Dante's Inferno

A friend gave me this beautiful edition of Dante's Inferno.  The book contains no publishing dates but uses engravings by Gustave Dore' circa 1866.

 It tells the tale of Dante, who, guided by Virgil the Roman Poet, journeys through the nine circles of Hell.  I was interested to peruse it to find out which circle I will call home.  I have suitable talents to make it to many.  It's gonna be a quandry for Satan to figure out the best fit.

First our explorers pass the entrance to hell which bears the sign "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate" or translated "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here". Isn't that great? One of these years I must make a sign for my haunt bearing those sentiments.
The first folks they see are the uncommitted who run in circles from wasps. That's not me - I am definately committed.
Then they get into the first circle, limbo, contains the unbaptized ( not me) and the virtuous pagans (not me either). These folks do not seem to be tortured in any way.

The second circle is for the lusty folks. They are blown about by strong storms for eternity. I have had some lusty moments in my life so this is a possibility.
The third circle of hell is reserved for the gluttons. They wallow in putrid icy rain, guarded by the three headed dog Cerberus. Funny how Dante borrows from the Greeks and Romans to depict hell.

Now I could definitely be accused of gluttony on many levels - especially where food, drink are concerned.
The fourth circle of hell contains the greedy both those who hoard and those who are miserly. I can certainly pinch a penny and I love my Halloween junk so perhaps I can stay here - my punishment involves pushing large boulders around.

It is certainly one way to stay fit in hell. Look at these fellows - not an ounce of fat on them!
The fifth circle contains the wrathful, who fight each other in the River Styx, while the sullen hang around beneath the surface withdrawn. Now I have had moments of both so maybe this is right for me.

The sixth circle contains the heretics - nah not me. I don't preach much heresy. They are trapped in flaming tombs.
Hell then descends into the seventh circle past the Minotaur (again with references to pagan Greek mythology) where the violent are housed. Now violence is not my thing so I don't think I belong here but I better read on just to make sure.

The first ring is for murderers, the second suicides and the third for blasphemers, and the sodomites. I do qualify for a spot because well, I am a blasphemer through and through. In fact, some of my favorite cuss words are blasphemes. And I thought I wouldn't belong here. My punishment will be that I am on the plain of burning sand scorched by great flames falling from the sky. At least I won't be alone because I know a lot of blasphemers. In fact, this describes some of my favorite people!

A waterfall now descends into the eighth circle where the Fraudster live. Now I don't know about you but murder seems like a worse crime than fraud. First are the panderers and seducers who are whipped by demons. Then the flatterers who are covered in excrement. I mean, I supposed you'd get used to that. Then there are the Simoniacs, people who sell religion to line their own pockets. Heck - I knew I would find a place for Joel Osteen here. Joel is going to be placed head down in a tube like hole while flames burn the soles of his feet. Unfortunately since this is not my gig I won't be there to see it.

Next the Sorcerers - fortune tellers, astrologers, and false prophets whose heads will be twisted  backwards and will be forced to walk that way for eternity. It might add an interesting perspective.

Finally we have a place for Donald Trump with the Barroters, corrupt politicians who make money from public office. He will be immersed in a lake of boiling pitch which represents his sticky fingers and corrupt deals. Demons troll the lake to capture anyone who comes above the pitch and rip them apart.

Wow - it seems like we have covered most of the bases but we still have the ninth circle to go. Perhaps I can make it to the top. It's a post for another day so stay tuned.  Where do you fit??